Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist! Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A: a $100 bill! I will add more later Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A: a cucumber Q: How do you kill a circus clown? A: Go for the juggler! Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? A: They couldn't close his casket. Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle? A: Because his wife died! Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!' He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.' So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought £300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent £17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!